Part 2

Time in Tiberias and our TED style talk by Adrienne Gold was followed by a visit of the holy mystical city of Tzfat/Safed. Known for its Torah scholarship and mystical teachings, Tzfat sits in the upper Galilée. The village area itself was all ancient cobble stone, art galleries and historic synagogues. 

Our visit included a tour of a working modern mikveh. Our discussions focused on the how and why of mikveh. Our teacher discussed the 4 critical concepts and purposes of mikveh:

Reconnection

Release

Recommitment 

Renewal

These concepts included the notion that the Magic of being in love is having passion. The teacher also mentioned that as women we are here to connect and explore and deepen and that we are beings in a constant state of becoming. 

While I found much of the discussion profound and interesting, I also found myself analyzing and intellextualing the intent of the discussions. Later in the day, I decided that I was over analyzing and experiencing a bit of analysis paralysis.  I decided I needed to be more open of the whole thing and see how the interpretation of these laws has worked for the women who were speaking to us. The mikelvwh has worked hard to be accommodating to women of all abilities. We were able to see a mikveh space developed for women with physical disabilities - it was truly remarkable the lengths this community has gone through to help the women who so Anat to partake in mikveh but were in the past not able to. 

One of the highlights of my day was learning that all 3 of the Michelle's on the trip all have Moroccan mothers. A connection so rare that I look forward to developing it. I loved speaking with Sandi who had a very similar upbringing as I as she has both a Moroccan mother and father!  I enjoyed sitting with different women on the bus and at lunch and during the lectures so that i could learn from them and about them. I also loved that at the end of it all on a long walk to and from dinner in Tel Aviv and then when we got back to our room, I could process and analyze the whole day's discussion with my roommate Nancie. I enjoyed the conversation immensely - deep and non judgemental it was fuel for the soul. Thank you Nancie. 

Oh by the way, we had an amazing dish dinner at Benny Ha Dag at the Namal Tel Aviv topped off by some Delish gelato - crème brûlée and chocolaté wafer favors.  Yum!

Wowzers Adrienne Gold

Today may be a multiple blog entry kind of day. It's only 9:47 am and I already have so much to process. The main speaker on our trip is Adrienne Gold. I'm sure I will learn more about her background and how she came to deliver such powerful TED style talks.  Engaging and thorough, she was beyond inspirational and knowledgeable. So I needed to capture it all and couldn't take notes fast enough.  Here is a tidbit of what she shared:

Firstly there was recap from last night's talk:

1.  Principle of paradigm shift - neuro elasticity - in control of your life based on your life- scientific or mathematical conundrum where something happens in order to change how you see something. In Jewish ideology we are the agent of our paradigm shift. 

2. Mothers's job is to Judge favorably and to reframe situations

3. When we blame and complain we reinforce the negative

4. Everyone's ladder of growth is different 

5. This trip and gathering is the anti high school  and the antidote to mean girls. 

Then she delved into this morning's talk: 

It was about many things but one of the key areas of focus was relationships - she started off by saying sometimes divorce is a mitzvah.  If a marriage is killing you, you cut it off. But if it hurts and aches you work at it to heel it. 

 A few times she repeated "You marry your home work or you give birth to it or sometimes both." And I thought what? Husband and children? They're both work. Buttom line what I got out of it was that relationships are work.  And successful relationships are nurtured and cared for in ways that create love, hope and intimacy spiritually, emotionally and physical. 

"Courage is not the absence of fear but the decision that something is more important than my fear. ". 

This was a quote by someone of importance whose name I didn't catch but which resonated with me.  So much of what has held me back in the past in changing jobs or trying new things was fear based.  Fear of the unknown. Fear of failure. Just raw unedited fear. It's real and can be crippling. 

This trip to Israel is much much more than just a trip to israel.   This trip is about finding deeper meaning as a mother, as a wife, and as a woman. Connecting Jewish to all those sides of. Yael's within a community of encouragement looking to do the same.  So much in a family is rooted in what I have to offer as a wife and  as a mother. Having boys, the role I play in their lives is significant and can shape who they become as future fathers and husbands. 

Moving back to Adriennes's talk, she spoke of Ahava. The word Ahava In Hebrew means love and at its root is the word av - to give - LOVE who you give to - babies are born helpless so we can give to them - it's that caring that creates a commitment for love. We love when we focus on the goodness of our beloved and look away from that which is not so beautiful to us.  So with our kids we love them unconditionally and if they mess up we forgive and forget and move on. But, with spouses we often don't forgive or forget and therefore don't love unconditionally the person we are forever bound with. 

LOVE moves through phases. 

The goal of marriage is to reenter the orignal oneness of original man - the original soul of mankind was both hermaphroditic and androgynous. So man and woman together, husband and wife, pulled together represent both genders.  

Friction and stress helps the interlocking of a relationship. 

The things we struggle with the most in the world are things we disallow in our selves. 

Adrienne then asked us a question and asked us to journal the answer and then discuss with the person sitting next to us. 

Her Question? 

In a loving relationship with children or spouse, ask yourself what trait or quality in my spouse do I feel that compelled me at first that began to unnerve me later. OR What quality in my child triggers me and where in that trigger can I identify my own disowned traits. 

Well, I won't discuss the specifics of my answer here. However,  a while ago I came to realize that those things that are good in a person are also those things that are difficult to deal with in person.  Almost like the two sides to a coin or a person's yin or yang. 

Adrienne also spoke about how our children for a brief time LOVE us so unconditionally that all that is yucky about us they love - we can do no wrong. She goes on to say that we often have it in reverse that we love our children the way we should love our spouses and the spouses like  our children.  Our goal is to take children to independence to turn them into someone's else's spouse. The person you picked is your eternity.  Not the one you birthed. Endless love should be our spouse. This is a paradigm shift and to have long term marriage success we must invert the ways in which we love our spouses as they should be the ones we love unconditionally. 

All of our flaws and behaviors - some we conquer and some we masquerade. We all have issues.  When we are married we shouldn't over focus on the issues as some of those can plague us for life. When you love someone, consider building on that which is good. The goal of marriage is to return to the state of oneness.  Like original man. Your growth comes from the difficult not from the easy. Wowzers! This was so profound and rather fascinating. 

Some ancient people have  bred themselves out of existence because of celibacy. Judaism celebrates intimacy within a framework that allows for the space to live a healthy and connected intimate togetherness. 

Neurons that fire together wire together. The Jewish approach to love and intimacy requires that we understand that pleasure is a glue that keeps you together. 

As an excellent speaker, Adrienne pulled us back full circle and offered a wonderful recap:

 

1. Struggles you have with your partner or your own self  can be reflections of your self struggles

2. Ultimate paradigm shift - LOVE your spouse as your child. See the positive. 

3. Goal of marriage is not interdependence or individuality but the return to oneness that was the original being. 

4. Intimacy in marriage is not just glue. But water in the dessert quenches thirst. Drink the water! 

What a fantastic way to start the day (that and the endless breakfast buffet of cheese, boreakas and halva). Can't wait to see what else awaits.  

JWRP Begins.

I'm not sure why being in Israel is always so emotional. Maybe it is always a sense of coming back home? Or perhaps a deeper connection engrained in ones Jewish genetic make up? Whatever the case there is always emotion here. Raw and real, happy and sad, welcomed and surprising. Maybe equivalent to a Sabra? Like a Prickly Pear's  all spikes and thorns on the outside and sweet and mushy on the inside?

This morning, I said goodbye to my grandmother. I cried. She cried. Then she called me four times today to check on me. The matriarch of her kingdom, she worries for everyone and everything. Worries for her children, her grandchildren, her great grandchildren, their  spouses, careers, jobs, homes, and lives in general. Her worry knows no bounds. And in my being in her backyard, It meant that she would take on additional worry on my behalf. Whatever the case, I promised to be back sooner rather than later.

So, I drove back to the airport return my rental and met up with the JWRP women. Some I have  known for many years, some more loosely and others more closely, some that I've just met in the last few months and weeks, and some that I just met today. I did not know what to expect but I knew it would be something new and something special. We started with a discussion given by Adrienne Gold - Motivational and inspiring, I started taking notes and found myself trying to write down verbatim what she was saying. So then I decided to just listen and try to take it all in. The thing that resonated with me most today were the words that I often look for when discussing my Judaism. I sometimes feel I need to defend my decisions or my family's decisions and how we observe and what we observe Judaically - like sending kids to Jewish day school but giving them the space to order non kosher foods at restaurants.  Adriennes  said "something so so profound - she said "it is not all or nothing at all." Meaning, if you decide to light Shabbat candles for the first time and serve pork chops for dinner, you've decided to do  something for Shabbat but  not everything. Something is not nothing. In other words it's not all of nothing. Something is something!  That really resonated with me and I see myself using her inspiration and her words in the future. 

By the time she was done speaking my stomach was growling.  Time change is really wreaking havoc on  my eating habits and appetite. So finally it was good to be hungry at dinner time and JWRP organized the most phenomenal group dinner for us at a restaurant called Decks. Decks is on sea of Gallilee, Lakeside and alfresco. Once we were seated and MC welcomes us and beckoned us to pay attention the lake - when we turned our heads. We saw a ferry of sorts approach the restaurant shooting up lights and then fireworks as our welcome to Israel.  The meal was then followed by a dance party that would put  any bar mitzvah to shame. 300 women danced, partied, jumped, and reveled  in each others company. It was really quite spectacular and beyond a warm welcome to Israel. This place beckons us home because it is part of our collective Jewish DNA. Thank you JWRP. I can't wait to see what else awaits us. 

Happy Day/Sad Day

Today's Facebook post: "Disneyland is not the happiest place on earth. My happy place would be Caesaria. Magical and serene, full of exquisite antiquities and personal childhood memories, visiting always centers me, breathing the magnificent air is beyond restorative."

Put the car on auto pilot and there I was at the entrance of the old city of Caesarea.  Full of childhood, teenage and adult memories. Memories of myself playing in the surf,  of my children rolling down the green hills,  of my parents showing them when they were even younger  what was once the ancient fortress, of my sisters and I as children and then as full grown adults, with friends as a teenager, with my husband, and with friends as an adult.  For whatever reason this was always a place that was beckoning me back and called me to visit. So few are the memories and actions combined through ones life but this is one of those. Kinda like Disneyland, only better. 

I sat alone with my thoughts, comfortable in my own skin, unafraid of whatever one may fear and enjoyed the solitary company of me. . 

When I left I desperately needed a pick me up. This past April I swore off coffee and most dairy but I had been dreaming for the last several months about a "cafe afouch" - an upside down coffee aka cappuccino. So today was the day that this was going to happen. I was going to partake in the elixir of the heavens and it was the most delicious thing in the whole wide world. Especially when accompanied by that not to sweet crispy halva pastry thing. Omg!  Was a little bit of heaven. 

Once the coffee adventure was successfully completed  I had the pleasure of meeting Tata Rachel. We sat for an hour in a cafe and talked. She is always so kind and elegant and it was truly a special moment. 

From there I had to partake in the sad part of the day. I went to visit Pepe's grave. It was a bit overwhelming and emotionally draining.  A little bit of my heart died when my meme pointed to the unoccupied tomb next to his and bluntly said "this is my place waiting for me next to him."  It was just too much. She was sad and crying and I was crying and all along  I could feel him there.  I closed my eyes and I could see him with a cigarette dangling in one hand, a cup of coffee in the other, telling me he could speak fluent English, repeating each word in his repertoire. He was a special soul, always kind and always praying for our well being. His memory is a blessing for all of us. As I write  this, this very second  the tears are flowing once more. Tomorrow I leave for the women's portion of my trip and that means goodbyes. Maybe even last goodbyes. 

I also did aome math today. Meme and Pepe were married in 1945. They were married 72 years! Hard to believe he is no longer here....

In any case i closed out the day with a fun dinner.  Mome, Yoram, Meme and I and if it were up to them, we would still be eating! After dinner I made us all Take selfies. They look much better when taken at 10 am then at 10 pm after a long day of running around!   The final highlight: recalling the choco b'sakeet extravaganza of 2015 (inside sistas story!). 

Shabbat shalom.

I know that I am in Israel, and particularly in Hadera, when the rooster crowing outside wakes me up from my slumber. This morning, he was also companied by random, torrential rain's, that lasted for a few minutes. The quick thunder  storms made for some entertaining early Shabbat festivities. It was after all, the first rain of the season.

As is typical when I visit my Israeli Family, they always make a special effort to gather and to welcome me back to our collective home land. While they rarely see each other, they always make it a point when They have family from abroad visits to come together around a big giant table of food. Today, was no exception. 

In Israel, the start time of synagogue generally at about 7 AM! Very unlike Americans, who would rather between 9 and 10 AM. The early start allows for an early finish, around 11 AM. This allows them to enjoy much more of the day. So of course, upon returning from synagogue, my uncle Mome said kiddish and an appétit of sorts was laid out on the table. I had barely finished my breakfast morning protein shake and was asked to partake in some kiddish wine and spicy Moroccan fish and delve into a meal that lasted til 4 PM.

Once the fish course with completed, my aunt Sylvia arrived, followed by her husband and my uncle Raphy and his daughter Karine and grand daughter Orelle and  My uncle Samy and his wife Rivka and a grandson named Liel. So of course meme laid out Dafina and because the first round of kiddish was missed, it was recited again!  Dafina is the quintessential one pot Moroccan stew made by Jews every Saturday  originating from the need to feed large families utilizing the town center's common oven. So using modern technology - a plata or crock pot - Meme emerged with a hot and Delish Dafina. And that Dafina  fed an army - and there were left overs! Arik dthe table, everyone shared stories of my grandfather z"l and those were good to hear.  He always  had these sayings that held true and clean eating habits that were ahead of their time. The lack of his presence was definitely felt and there was a heavy void around the table. 

At the end of the meal Oshrat showed up with her entire family in tow!  Rarely do they make their way to her parents house on Shabbat but Mome and Leah were over the moon thrilled to see their grandkids. Within seconds the house was turned upside down and inside out. With  a 9 year old, 7 year old, 5 year old and twin 3 year olds in the house, I felt as if I was immersed in some combination of an I Love Lucy episode, mashed up with a Dr. Seuss book mashed up with some hilarious episode of the Three Stooges. Their grandparents, Mome and Leah, who were super calm enjoyed seeing their grandkids - they saw the One who was hanging from the carport, one who was hanging from the railing, another kicking a ball around inside the house and another breaking a squishy ball filled with talc and sand, that showered the house with dust.  Luckily, these adorable  weapons of mass distraction left within the hour of arriving. Nonetheless, it was good to see them and I was glad and appreciative that my cousin made the effort to come by. 

By 4 PM, the shift changed over - my mom's brothers left and my aunt on my dads side, Rachel, came by and spent an hour with me. It was good to see her. In her late 70s, she was dressed in the latest fashions. Cool Embroidered denim jacket and funky jeans, she was the embodiment of the latest fashion trends and was  certainly not gonna let her age stop her from enjoying the best of what Fashion had to offer. 

Once shabbat was over, And Havdallah was recited, my aunt Leah and I needed to get out of the house a bit. Poor woman was  on her feet all day cleaning up, prepping food, organizing the kitchen, and re arranging all of the living and dining room furniture to accommodate all the guests. 

Then, my cousin Gahvit called and she was leaving her parents house an hour north of where I was, to head home in Tel Aviv. Thanks to each of our crazy schedules in this next week, tonight was the night we could see each other. So, she joined us at the mall for a quick super short but sweet visit. 

Busy day! But loved it all.  Now that it's almost midnight, I'm ready for some sleep. Nite nite. Lila Tov. 

So it begins!

I navigated the airport lines, baggage claim, car rentals and Israeli highways like a sabra!  Seems like I'm home or returning home. Everything seems familiar yet there is always newness to be discovered on each trip to Israel. Expanding infrastructure is the first to be noticed and I always marvel at this. 

I arrived at my uncle Momi's house in time for Shabbat dinner. Where they tried overfeeding me and I was most appreciative of food of any sort because that stuff on the plane was just not food. I also brought a few treats and quickly thebfamily started modeling for me. 

There was someone missing and that was inevitable sadness. Pepe is no longer with us. But as we are dinner, i could still feel his presence - his place at the table and imagine him telling us his stories. I think they all few that emptiness. 

After dinner, somehow we started talking about the wars and my uncles shared more war stories.  As a Golani during the Yom Kippur war of 1973, my uncle Mome was involved in hand to hand combat in the rugged terrain  of the north.  There were days without sleep - the deprivation so bad that they trained their bodies to sleep on command and often while marching. The hunger so deep that at times they found themselves eating leaves out of total desperation. The fighting was hand to hand where it was pure Darwinian survivalism at work. He attributes his ability to sleep anywhere and on command to the years spent in battle. 

I learned that at one point all 4 brothers were deployed at once and that my grandfather too as a civilian military soldier of sorts. My grandmother was called "the house general" because she would be home alone and would pace the rooms and the yard until some piece of news would arrive. She rarely slept and there was little to do but listen to the radio.  No phone lines tâches her house at the time and news traveled from friend, to neighbor, and handed out like the traditions of the oral Torah. Miracle of miracles  all my mom's brothers survived unscathed.  In 1973 my parents decided to visit israel for the high holidays. They left israel in 1970 and hadn't been back. They needed to see family and wanted family to meet me. As I was only 3 at the time I have no recollection of the trip. 

I also learned that the conditions of the Golan was tough that winter of 73. There was frozen rain, ice and snow and no where to hide from it.  Special alpine units were dispatched and the golanis braved the elements. My parents tried returning home as the war broke out but had difficulty leaving - the military was attempted to draft my dad.  All males were on call and he was not yo be exempted.  Eventually, they were free to leave and returned home to LA. 

War stories never seem to leave the collective Israeli memory. Everyone serves and everyone fights for the freedoms and safety they work so hard to protect. 

Israel Here I Come

Without fail, whenever I travel to Israel i inevitable bump into someone I know.  This trip is no different. Not only are there about 12 women on my trip that I met through the JWI trip I'm taking but of course I bumped into family. My
 dad's cousins to be precise Luna and Sylvia heading back to israel after a trip to Los Angeles.

The plane is ready to take off and I'm ready for what awaits!

Mid Stream

SO I stopped blogging mid trip last go around. There was too much happening - no free time, too much to do, not enough sleep.  Seems as if this medium for capturing thought is becoming a travel journal of sorts - not all travels but mostly the ones taken to Israel.  I wonder if its the holiness of the place, the people there or what it represents.  Whatever the case, it seems that travel to Israel compels a story that I want to capture.  Blogger is a nice neat journal of sorts - always there, ready and waiting. So this is where I am.

This next trip is a unique one of sorts.  I am traveling alone sort of. In January, I embarked on a journey to seek out more - a new year resolution of sorts.  I wanted deeper meaning, new friendships, discussions that inspired my soul and change.  That change came in the form of a job, which was not easy but necessary and I am glad to report I find myself in a great new place with great new work. The opportunities to seek out deeper meaning also came with an opportunity for a trip - a spiritual journey of sorts.  What I am calling birthright for moms starts next week.  I have meet or reconnected with 40+ women (reconnect because some I have met before through mutual friends, temple, schools, etc.).  Everyone is on the quest to meet new people, connect in a whole new way and embark on a personal spiritual journey.  I am excited to travel and can't wait to experience something different - going to a familiar place and seeing it differently nd engaging with it in a whole new way.  The first leg of my trip is with family and from there, I meet up with the group. The family part has be a bit anxious - I feel like it will be sad - in fact I know it will be - I already made plans with myself to go see Pepe's grave. Sigh.

In any case, my goal is  to blog and capture some of  my trip here.  If I do, great and if I don't, great.  And if I quit mid stream, great as it will be what it will be.